Excuse me, sir, but do you remember me? I am Janet Reno, and I have done things I should be ashamed of. Things that I did were not sins of malice, but sins of weakness. Like, I allowed the massacre of babies and mommies in Waco. I turned a blind eye to the OKC bombings. I lied about child abuse in Florida. I feigned dumbness about the FBI. I even obstructed so many investigations that I can’t recall them all. But Bill, I did it all for you, because you are the boss. Like I said, they were not sins of malice, but of weakness. I mean no harm, but I realize even though you’re not always right, you’re always the boss. So, in an act of mercy, would you please, uh, Pardon me, Bill?
Remember me, Bill? I’m your old pal, Vince Foster. I know that Hillary remembers me very well. Before I came to Washington, I was not corrupt, but after years with you and the missus, I was more reckless. After all the years of hiding things that you and your wife did and the years of trying to cover your backs, it became harder each day. I know one thing for sure. I did not want to die, but I realized that the governments, both foreign and domestic, would be better off if I did myself in. Yes, it was Arkacide, all the way. But Bill, even though all the sins that you had me commit were really sins of weakness, and not of malice, even from the grave, I beg of you…would you please, uh, Pardon me, Bill?
Oh, brother Bill. Hey, guy. It’s me. Ron! Ron Brown. Man, you make sabotage look like child’s play. How cool of you to do that plane thing. After all the years, all the people, and all the dollars I funneled to you. And what do I get in return? Man, I filled those airplanes up with suckers who were willing to pay big money for the chance to fly high with you. And what do I get? Snuffed! Yeah, Billy, I know things I did were bad, but I did them all for you. If I were still here, I would bring you and yours down, with me. But I can honestly say, even from the tomb, that the things I did for you, against this great country of ours, were not sins of malice, but of weakness. Everyone around you seems to be guilty of that after a while. So, in my loving memory, would you, uh, Pardon me, Bill?
Hey, Mr. C. What’s happening dude? Yea, it’s your old nemesis, Milosevic. Yea, I know, but Ethic Cleansing Happens. Ha..ha. I appreciate you taking the time to wag that OLE dog with us. I mean after all the things I did, hey man, they were sins of weakness, not of malice. You know, when I shared with you over the phone about how my mamma and grandma would make such a fuss over me? See what happens when you are caught between two fine ladies? Could be worse, you know. We could both have been Hitler, but that’s another story. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I understand why you do things you do. I honestly do. Yea, you won’t be judged for those petty sins of weakness. We’re all weak. But thankfully, they were not sins of malice. Now those are the ones you have to pay dearly for. So, since I feel that you understand where I’m coming from, I have a little favor to ask of you. Mr. C. So, uh, would you, uh Pardon me, Bill?
Uh, Bill. Excuse me. Bill. ummm…This is your conscience. This is the Constitution speaking. We realize you have been preoccupied with so many “wag-the Dogs” lately that you have forgotten all about us. But, we wanted to drop by and and request a favor. While you have been busy trying to take guns from ordinary law-abiding citizens, while you have been busy trying to appease the Chinese people, while you have been busy lying and cheating and selling our country out, you have forgotten one tiny little thing. You have forgotten the both of us. Your conscience, as little as it may be…and the constitution. Yeah, that’s right. That’s that little article that was drawn up hundreds of years ago to keep crooks like you from abusing the little people. But, you were so caught up in your little selfishness, that you completely threw us aside. So today, we come back to haunt you and to remind you. So, since you care for neither of us and treat us both as criminals, we have one request from you. So, please, uh, would you Pardon us Bill?
I hope someday that our President in name only will realize that even though he swore to have the most ethical administration in the history of our republic, he has also had to offer the most excuses. If he knew what it was all about, he may turn from his ways. But thankfully, having read the back of the book (the Bible), I see we win! Bill, you need to realize there is much more grace than sin. So, before I go, would you, uh, Pardon me, Bill?
